How to Give and Receive Love Based on The 5 Love Languages

man and woman out on a date

A common misconception in love and relationships is projecting personal desires on another person. At times, when one person wants to receive something, they give it to another person as a means to communicate what they want. On the flip side, the other person expects their partner to react the same way they react to certain circumstances in the relationship.

According to Couples Therapy Inc., the first common relationship problem is lack of conflict management. One of the notable facets of this problem is the “inability or unwillingness to compromise.” As a result, it creates a barrier for two people to make the relationship work. The common denominator in the aforementioned situations is the failure to realize that everybody loves differently.

The 5 Love Languages

In Dr. Gary Chapman’s #1 New York Bestseller, The 5 Love Languages®, he writes about the vicious cycle of “I feel like he doesn’t love me.” and “I don’t know what else to do! I’m doing everything I should be doing” which he has observed throughout the years of being a marriage counselor.

The 5 Love Languages—quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and receiving gifts—help bridge relationship problems by self-assessment quiz of how they want to receive affection.

Here are the 5 Love Languages and how to express them:

1. Quality Time

Quality time is about spending time with one’s partner with their undivided attention. This means no distractions and canceled plans to effectively appreciate the presence of their partner.

Give undivided attention by…

  • Not checking your phone
  • Listening to your partner
  • Making time for your partner, especially when you’re busy.

2. Words of Affirmation

For some people, words mean more than actions. Sometimes, people need reassurance in their relationship, and a simple “I love you” or “I appreciate you” would suffice.

Tell them you love them by…

  • Recognizing their achievements with a simple “I’m proud of you.”
  • Compliment your partner in everything that they do
  • Don’t forget to tell them you love them

3. Acts of Service

Of course, some people prefer actions more than words. Acts of service are showing your love by doing them favors and making their lives easier.

Make their lives easier by…

  • Going out of your way to lessen their load of work for the day
  • Run errands for them: go to the bank, deliver documents, etc.
  • Assume some chores like plumbing services, house maintenance, or gardening

4. Physical Touch

There are many ways to show intimacy without getting sexual, and that’s the value of physical touch. Simple acts like hugs and cuddles can, after all, reduce stress and add a kick of oxytocin.

Show intimacy by…

  • Hugging them a few seconds longer
  • Hold their hands or wrap your arm around their shoulder
  • Giving them a forehead kiss

5. Receiving Gifts

Close up shot of female hands holding a small gift wrapped with pink ribbon

If love had a currency, it would be gifts—for people with this love language. Celebration or no celebration, these people love the feeling that their partner thought about them throughout the day.

Be thoughtful by…

  • Buying something that reminded you of your partner
  • Gifting them something they’ve always wanted
  • Giving them a special gift of special occasions

Through The 5 Love Languages, people can have a deeper understanding of how they are in relationships and how to treat their partners. These will save people time in trying to figure out how to make things work.

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