Hollywood would have you believe that love only consists of big romantic gestures, heartfelt professions on rooftops, and sacrificing everything to be together. While these grand scenes make for good entertainment, relationships in the real world don’t work that way. Often, being a couple is about following through with the commitment to love and support one another during the middle and less exciting parts of the relationship. Every day doesn’t consist of fireworks, candlelight dinners, and sweeping off one’s feet moments.
The high level of stability of being in a long-term relationship is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you don’t have to second-guess the feelings of one another and deal with the dreaded no labels scenario. But on the flip side, predictability can be a cause of boredom. The sense of security can make couples complacent and stop exerting effort into growing the relationship. Being together becomes automatic and done without much thought, which is a far cry during the honeymoon phase, where everything feels like a discovery.
Here are other mistakes couples should avoid making to keep their relationship thrilling and interesting:
Sacrificing your personal goals
Popular romantic comedies can be blamed for perpetuating this mistake. They highlight the notion that pursuing love is the be-all and end-all of one’s dreams. Being in a relationship means you’ve already won at life, even if you had to put aside your career, friends, and fundamental beliefs.
However, without personal goals, you won’t be able to grow your talents and reach your potential. Your sense of self becomes defined by the relationship, and you’ll feel you are nothing outside of it. That is why some people feel lost when they break up. They spent so much time as a couple and not with themselves that they forgot who they were before the relationship started. Having personal goals, in addition to someone supporting and cheering you on, is excellent for one’s mental health and success.
Avoiding fights and disagreements
Most people think that getting into an argument with their significant other should be avoided at all costs. They compromise their beliefs and opinions, keep their mouths shut, and just go with the flow. But ignoring and burying issues is more harmful than being honest with your feelings. Never disagreeing means that there is a barrier between you and your partner. You are not vulnerable and open enough to develop the relationship deeper.
Fights and confrontations can stabilize a relationship, strengthening weak links, and make them durable. It is like applying erosion control blankets and structures to loose and rough soil. Challenges and difficulties won’t trigger a landslide of hurt because issues and triggers were already talked and dealt with. Both people come out as better lovers and partners.
Focusing on separate hobbies
On the flip side, having a lot of separate hobbies can take time and effort away that should be invested to grow the relationship. Maintaining close connection needs constant nurturing, much like a plant. Love will wither and die when it is left on the wayside. An invisible wall will separate both of you until suddenly you don’t know what’s going on with each other’s lives. Feelings of resentment and disappointment can also surface because couples will find themselves growing apart instead of together.
Being together for a long time doesn’t mean couples should stop putting in the work. Boredom will be around the corner to claim the relationship if you sacrifice goals, spend more time with separate hobbies, and be allergic to fights.